Wednesday, May 02, 2012

Looking Back, Looking Forward

O'Malley & Daly
Today marks the one year anniversary of the day I had to put my beloved O’Malley to sleep and I have been reflecting on my life. So much has changed in the last 12-16 months that it feels like an eternity has passed. This last year (plus a few months) has been full of so many changes--highs, lows, stagnations, regressions, hurts, and happiness. I am currently weeks away from my 34th birthday. If you had told me a few years ago that I would be unemployed and living with my parents at this stage in my life I would have laughed in your face. This was not part of my life plan. By now I was supposed to be a successful business woman with a husband and kids (of both the fur and flesh variety). But here I sit trying to figure out what is next. Trying not to feel like a failure. Trying to find the motivation that I once had.

I’m on the cusp of finishing a degree that will launch me in an entirely different direction career-wise. This is both exciting and frightening. The lack of positive responses (and mostly, just lack of responses) in my quest for a summer practicum is extremely discouraging and has me questioning if this is the direction I am supposed to be heading. Or I am not committed enough—should I be spending time at an SDA university campus full time for my M.Div in chaplaincy? Should I join the military’s chaplaincy candidate program? But if I did, I worry about the responsibility I have as to my beautiful epileptic kitty Daly; will I not be able to give her the care she needs? She requires a lifetime (hers) commitment and I am willing to make the sacrifices financially and personally for that.

Where is the Easy Button?