Wednesday, May 02, 2012

Looking Back, Looking Forward

O'Malley & Daly
Today marks the one year anniversary of the day I had to put my beloved O’Malley to sleep and I have been reflecting on my life. So much has changed in the last 12-16 months that it feels like an eternity has passed. This last year (plus a few months) has been full of so many changes--highs, lows, stagnations, regressions, hurts, and happiness. I am currently weeks away from my 34th birthday. If you had told me a few years ago that I would be unemployed and living with my parents at this stage in my life I would have laughed in your face. This was not part of my life plan. By now I was supposed to be a successful business woman with a husband and kids (of both the fur and flesh variety). But here I sit trying to figure out what is next. Trying not to feel like a failure. Trying to find the motivation that I once had.

I’m on the cusp of finishing a degree that will launch me in an entirely different direction career-wise. This is both exciting and frightening. The lack of positive responses (and mostly, just lack of responses) in my quest for a summer practicum is extremely discouraging and has me questioning if this is the direction I am supposed to be heading. Or I am not committed enough—should I be spending time at an SDA university campus full time for my M.Div in chaplaincy? Should I join the military’s chaplaincy candidate program? But if I did, I worry about the responsibility I have as to my beautiful epileptic kitty Daly; will I not be able to give her the care she needs? She requires a lifetime (hers) commitment and I am willing to make the sacrifices financially and personally for that.

Where is the Easy Button?

1 comment:

Brénainn (Brendan) said...

I know how you are feeling. It is not easy living in this scenario.

I mean look at me: 34, intelligent yet handicapped (ADHD & OCD), unemployed designer with A.A.S. in Computer Arts and multiple computer and media certifications with little or no work history and no form of employment in the degree anywhere who is on the verge of having a full BFA, but cannot afford school and loans up to $11K coming due while living with single parent who is having massive medical issues (spinal stenosis, etc) and living on only $1400 a month which only covers the basics (Food, Utilities, Gas, etc.)

It is definitely not easy. But you make due with what you can do.