Sunday, March 25, 2007
Have you ever been in a crowd (of any size) and felt completely alone? Tonight I went to a local rock club to see Skillet. This was a station-sponsored event and the potential for free admission was key (the record rep was supposed to put me on the list this afternoon, but it didn’t end up that way). I really enjoy concerts and smaller venues are better in my opinion. I think this is due in part to the fact that I have no musical talent whatsoever but know a large amount of people who do. Anyway, I made it to the club only to be told I was not on the list. I paid my $17 and waded through the crowd until I got a semi-decent view. All I could think about was how much better the acoustic set was this afternoon and the fact that in this crowd of hundreds I was completely alone. (I felt the same way in the crowd of a dozen or two at the acoustic show too.) This is something that is starting to get to me. I have always thought of myself as an independent person. I am financially independent, have a good job, live on my own, can cook, and even run a power tool or two. Lately I no longer feel independent; I feel alone. I sit alone at church; I either sit with strangers or annoying children at potluck. Ninety-nine percent of the time that I leave my apartment it is to go somewhere alone. I shop alone, eat fast food alone, rent movies alone, and watch TV alone. I know this shouldn't bother me. But it does. I even feel alone when I’m with others. Last week at Ever praise E & L came with me. We rode to church together and sat in the same pew. It felt no different then the times I sit by myself. Even when E joined me at Festival of Faith, I had the same issue. I wish I knew why this is becoming such an issue. I do believe that the worst part is that I’m extremely angry at myself for getting so worked up about it. On a completely unrelated note: I think that Memphians are descended from Pygmies. I've never seen so many height challenged people in my life. I know it was an all ages show, but it was ridiculous. At least 80% of the people were shorter than me and I'm 5'6".
Posted by Krissa at 11:50 PM