Monday, March 05, 2007

Long time no post...

This week’s sermon really hit home with me. Pastor Lombard spoke about giving up control. One of the examples that he used was someone trying to give up smoking. The epiphany came when she said “I can’t do this.” My mom and I were having the same conversation Friday night. I still feel overwhelmed on multiple fronts. Last week I finally became fully staffed at work. This will really kick in next week when I’ve finished closing the books and can start handing things off. Last week I put in some 10+ hour days at work. When I was telling a friend about my week, all he could say was “There is no way I would do that. They better be paying me tons of overtime if they expect that from me.” I have a huge issue with this train of thought. I don’t do my job for the money. (That’s not to say that I’m not well compensated, money just isn’t my motivator and it never will be.) The way I see it, I’ve made a commitment and have to do what it takes to follow through with that commitment. I am responsible for my deadlines regardless of what that entails. This is not just a work issue with me. One of the areas where this has become an issue is at church. For example, I don’t think it is fair to a youth Sabbath school for the teacher not to be prepared. It is also not acceptable to promise something and not deliver. I think I’ve mentioned before that I often find it necessary to have a backup plan when I am counting on someone else to follow through. I have had to use the backup plans on several occasions. I’m starting to believe that I’m being taken advantage of for being “the responsible one.” People know that I hate having the youth (or prophecy seminar attendees) get the short end of the stick from the church. I won’t be the person who contributes to the church letting them down if I can help it. As a result, people are slacking off because they know I’ll take care of things. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind helping. I am quite the helper. But if I wanted to be a leader or coordinator, I would’ve signed up for that job. I have enough on my plate with work. I don’t need to deal with finding out that I am supposed to help teach the Sabbath School lesson for up to 40 youths with one week notice. On top of that, I don’t need to deal with the “Leader” telling me that he will help with the lesson and then not facilitate a planning session so that the whole lesson is now my task. Just once, I’d like to be the one who brings the OJ and the CD player. At some point church needs to go back to being a fulfilling experience for me and not a draining one. I accepted the position of assistant under the guise of helping out one Sabbath a month. The reality is more like three to four times a week because I actually take the time to read the lesson and learn about the subject. This is very stressful when you consider everything else that is going on for me and the fact that I may not know until I get to church if I have to teach. Now that I’ve been very long winded, this is just another reminder that I need to STOP being the independent cuss that I am. I need to start asking for help and guidance even when I am afraid of where it may lead. I don’t expect to rely on people because we all screw up and people don’t change. I need to take the help offered by the one person who has the Map and is the Light for my path. Easier said than done.

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