Looking Back, Looking Forward

O'Malley & Daly

Today marks the one year anniversary of the day I had to put my beloved O’Malley to sleep and I have been reflecting on my life. So much has changed in the last 12-16 months that it feels like an eternity has passed. This last year (plus a few months) has been full of so many changes--highs, lows, stagnations, regressions, hurts, and happiness. I am currently weeks away from my 34th birthday. If you had told me a few years ago that I would be unemployed and living with my parents at this stage in my life I would have laughed in your face. This was not part of my life plan. By now I was supposed to be a successful business woman with a husband and kids (of both the fur and flesh variety). But here I sit trying to figure out what is next. Trying not to feel like a failure. Trying to find the motivation that I once had.

I’m on the cusp of finishing a degree that will launch me in an entirely different direction career-wise. This is both exciting and frightening. The lack of positive responses (and mostly, just lack of responses) in my quest for a summer practicum is extremely discouraging and has me questioning if this is the direction I am supposed to be heading. Or I am not committed enough—should I be spending time at an SDA university campus full time for my M.Div in chaplaincy? Should I join the military’s chaplaincy candidate program? But if I did, I worry about the responsibility I have as to my beautiful epileptic kitty Daly; will I not be able to give her the care she needs? She requires a lifetime (hers) commitment and I am willing to make the sacrifices financially and personally for that.


Where is the Easy Button?

St. Patrick's Day Weekend

This year one of my good friends and some of his friends came to Boston to celebrate St. Patrick's Day and invited me along. It has been several years since my one and only Southie Parade, so I was glad to be invited along to join in the weekend festivities. It was a fun, tiring weekend. I think I got more sun and did more walking around the past few days than in the whole of last year :)

I thought I would entertain anyone who decides to check out my blog with some songs that showed up this weekend, made me smile, and stuck in my head for one reason or another. They are in no particular order. Enjoy!

Tessie by Dropkick Murphys

Whiskey in the Jar

Alone With You by Jake Owen

Fight for Your Right to Party by Richard Cheese

Let's Do It by Ella Fitzgerald

Baby Got Back by Richard Cheese

Now it is time for laundry and to catch up on sleep so I can go back to work tomorrow. Gotta love these four day weekends.

10 AM

Day 5 is fairly self-explanatory. It is a sleepy Daly as the lock screen of my phone at 10 AM.

A Stranger

I am a fairly shy person when it comes to strangers. My classic line is, "My parents trained me so well that even 30+ years later, I still don't talk to strangers." I knew getting a picture of a stranger for the February Photo-A-Day challenge was going to be just that, a challenge. These days I spend most of my time at home, at work, or commuting back and forth so running into a stranger is not a common occurrence. Additionally, Day 4 was a Saturday which meant that my main tasks for the day would be church and homework in the evening. Now I usually take the free ride and carpool with my parents for the 50 mile ride to church (I know that seems excessive, but I enjoy getting to see all 3 of my living grandparents each week), but my mom was sick and Dad had been up all night with her. Since I was slated for my first public outing as the new church treasurer--giving the offering call--I couldn't forgo the trip and visit a closer church. But, I digress. Since I know the majority of the church members at least by sight, I couldn't snap a pic there. In the end I decided to go with a shot of the driver in the car behind me as I was about to turn into my neighborhood.

Hands

The inspiration for Day 3's photo was hands. I was thinking of taking a picture of Daly's paws or a close up of Titania's polydactyl pretties,but forgot to do so before leaving for work. In the end I chose to share a picture of my hands as they often are in my cold office--gloved.

Words

Here is my picture for day 2 of the Feb Photo A Day challenge. It is a photo of one of the texts I am reading for school. It is about Strategic-Focused Pastoral Counseling.

A (P)Interesting Thing to Do

A couple of days ago while browsing the wonderful time-suck that is Pinterist, I came across a fun looking Photo-A-Day guide for February. I would have probably forgotten all about it if a friend hadn't emailed me this morning encouraging me to do it with her (and her fans out in radioland). But with her encouragement, I've accepted the challenge. Additionally, since my blog is kind of on the slim side, I've decided to upload my daily photos here for anyone who may stumble upon it. (Of course, that is all based on the assumption that someone other than myself checks out my blog occasionally.) Anyway, Day One is "your view today". I was hoping to get a pic of the Boston skyline that I see everyday on my way in to work, but the soupy fog that lingered during my commute blocked it today. So, instead, I give you a picture from my 3rd floor office office window. I usually keep the blinds closed due to glare on the computer screens, but today I parted them for a few hours. Without further adieu here is my view of the Mass Pike, trees, and one of the other radio stations here on radio row.

Things That Go Bump in the Night

Since I first woke up to Daly having a middle of the night seizure in mid-November last year, I have become hyper-alert to the noises she makes during the night. I wake to sounds of her drinking copious amounts of water, eating her dry food, shoveling around in the litter box, and playing obstacle course in the wrapping and tissue paper laden closet. I've also awoken to her having two more seizures. This morning, around 5:30, I heard a new sound. I couldn't place it but knew it was a sound that involved Daly. I quickly turned on the bedside light and turned towards the sounds. I was greeted by Daly squirming her way out of my dresser drawer! I had left it cracked open and she took advantage of the cave-like comfort it provided.

Thinking Ahead

As 2011 is wrapping up I have spent some time thinking about the last year and what I would like 2012 to look like. This year was full of experiences—both good and bad—that I had little control over. A couple examples are losing my job in Memphis, house drama, the death of O’Malley, Daly’s epilepsy, the birth of my niece, and a renewed closeness both with and to my family. I have had some wonderful opportunities this year such as attending my first ever Pink Party in New York City, meeting new people, advancing in my studies, and the adoption of Titai into our clan.

I have also seen myself grow more anxious and discontented; things that I do not want to carry into next year. So instead of resolutions for 2012 I have decided to start a list of goals and action items for 2012 that I expect will transform as the days, weeks, and months go by. This list is a mixture of things I want to reduce in my life and those things I want to nurture and grow. Each item should be something that I can directly impact; something that happens because of my choosing. While some things are a variation on resolutions gone by, the reasoning behind them is different. Other items are a result of themes that seem to keep popping up in my life. Here is what I have so far. Let me know how they compare to what is on your list.

Goals and Action Items for 2012

1. Warrior Dash with LadyBoyd - September 2012

- Cardio & Strength training is needed.

2. Reduce Negativity

- Consistent quiet time for devotions and reflections

- Limit contact with negative people

- Limit amount of time/effort spent complaining/discussing/dwelling on hurts/wrongs which not only contribute to my own negativity but to that of others as well

- Exercise (for endorphin release)

3. Declutter

- Physically – reduce possessions

- Monetarily – reduce spending and debt

- Diet – eat more whole foods, less processed foods

- Emotions – along with reducing negativity, setting time aside for journaling/blogging

Extracurriculars

As can be readily seen my attempt to blog every day this month has been less than stellar. While my blogging as been lax, life has been anything but. Outside of the normal working days, my extracurriculars have gone into overdrive. On the first of the month my new niece was born and on the 20^th was the shower. My current class, Systematic Theology I, is kicking my butt. The reading is very difficult and my memory retention these days is not what it used to be (as my quizzes are showing). I had a quick trip to Memphis to pick up the kitty that has since adopted my mom. The dynamics between the two cats has been less than ideal. To top it all off Daly had two seizures in less than two weeks which resulted in two middle of the night emergency vet trips (Tufts in Grafton is amazing!), lots of tests and expenses, and a diagnosis of idiopathic epilepsy. She started what will become a lifetime dependency on anti-convulsion medication this weekend. Thankfully, she is still as cute as ever even if she is shaved in some funny places Daly’s epilepsy is pushing me to find an apartment closer to work as soon as possible. She has to be given her medication every 12 hours and since stress is a contributing factor to seizures, having her and Titai live in separate homes will reduce the stress for everyone involved. Unfortunately, I am now more anxious for her in addition to trying to cope with the new levels of anxiety that have come as part of my move back to Massachusetts.

My goals for the upcoming month are to (start and then) finish my paper on the Theology of the Doctrine of Creation a little early, register and pick out my classes for next semester, have my house in Memphis prettied up enough (new carpet, etc) to get rented out before the end of 2011, find an apartment closer to work, and move (with Daly). Of course I have little control over the Memphis items, but have signed on with what appears to be a good property management company so I’m praying that it goes according to plan. Not being able to have any impact on what is happening is quite frustrating for a mild control freak like me.

Daly

Here is my sweet girl. She's had a hard time adjusting to the new feline in the house. Daly is such a scaredy cat that at times her attempts to flee from Titai's presence are amusing. But she is forever and always my baby girl.

Still Searching

I am still searching for the cure to my sinus and throat issues. The fever seems to be gone but the running sinuses and scratchy, burning throat are a constant. I've ruled out an uptick in allergies with the addition of another cat as last night they were still bothering me and I stayed at a friend's house. I'm hoping that two cups of the Sleepytime Throat Tamer with honey will help tonight. Of course cuddles with Daly are on the menu as well.

Accomplished

Feeling very accomplished tonight. Even though I am still fighting sickness I decided to join my friends for breakfast and a study hall. I was sad that I missed the sleepover. (Mom was worried about my pallor and lingering sore throat due to my history of strep so we had a date with Urgent Care last night. Good news is that it isn't strep. Bad news is that I just need to wait it out.) Thanks to the prodding of my friend P, I picked up bagels and made my way to the morning after party. What a nice treat to see friends from NH, NJ, and ME.

I even got enough reading done to write up my discussion board and take my quiz. Thankfully I got 100% on the quiz. I totally credit the study notes that were provided. I should've used them last week. Lesson learned.

Surreal

Have you ever had one of those moments that you think of as only happening on TV or in the movies? It happened to me today. I had just left my office building and was walking towards the street to cross over to the parking garage. My hands were tucked in the pockets of my buttoned up grey pea coat with the brisk November wind streaming across my face. I was listening to the sound of my high heeled boots on the pavement, thinking about my life and wondering if some of my recent decisions were the right ones as I know many of my past ones did not turn out as expected--not necessarily for the better. Walking in the deepening darkness I was suddenly struck with the thought that at that moment I was living out a scene in an Adele video.

Has that ever happened to you?

Slacker

I have been slacking off with regard to my NaBloPoMo duties. It is amazing how far behind you can get when travel and sickness make it onto your agenda. (Not to mention a fairly boring life filled with commutes and fighting cats.) I am finding it very hard to believe that today is Friday. I'm also behind in my reading for my current class, Systematic Theology I. That is some difficult reading. I am a girl who prefers plot lines and character development, so reading about types of criticism, theology, and philosophy and how they are interact is very slow going. But I must carry on since I have a quiz and discussion board posting as well as my research paper topic to submit this weekend. This morning I also realized that I've been slacking off on my coffee drinking. The last cup of coffee I had was Monday morning just before hitting up the airport to come home. This is surprising because, while I've givien up coffee at various times in the past, I have fallen back into my 2-3 cup a day habit. Darn you, free K-cup coffee at work! I started to notice that if I skip my coffee on Saturdays, then a mild headache starts on Sunday. Never a good thing to be so reliant on any substance except for air and water. But due to greatly disliking airplane coffee and then being sick for two days, coffee was just not on the menu. Though yesterday was my first day back at work, I was still feeling icky and opted for Green Tea with honey. Same with today. While I am not going to be so bold as to say that my love affair with coffee is over, I think it is time to make it a special treat and not a daily fix. Wonder how long my determination will last?

Comfy

Titai is adapting quite well to her new surroundings. She is soaking up all of the attention and is very good about not advancing when Daly notices her. Daly's anxiety is kicking in and she will stare, growl, hiss and run away when she sees her new sister. Hopefully, it will not be much longer before they can tolerate each other without the sound effects or bushy tails. I'm currently getting over my usual seasonal transition sickness that takes over my throat and sinus. I was out of work for two days and am having a hard time keeping track of what day today is. If only I was better about not procrastinating on my reading homework. I'll be cramming theology this weekend.

Weekends

There really isn't much that is better than just doing nothing with friends knowing that they expect you to be only what you are. It is that feeling of relaxedness. The ability to just be yourself without the stress of being "on" and the feeling that no matter what you say or do you will remain unjudged and loved for who you are. The ability to vent about the frustrations of being a responsible grown up knowing that they too refuse to live a life of ignorance by choice. How I've missed this.

Titania: a polydactyl purring queen

It seems like Titai remembers me well. She came running across the room when I called her to come to bed. It is nice for all of us to hear her purring a mile a minute. I hope she is just as happy when we go home. It will be a very bittersweet and weepy goodbye for all of us.

Trying something new

Since I decided to try to post every day this month and this month has been super busy already, I just downloaded the Blogger app. So I am doing this post on my iPhone while listening to Wil Wheaton read Ready Player One. Of course I should be reading my homework and packing for this weekend's visit to Memphis. I am making a quick trip down to bring back my dear friend Titania - a beautiful 13 year old cat who never adjusted to family life with a now 3 year old human and a couple of dogs. I am honored to be trusted enough to adopt her and anxious for her to accept us and the move.

NaBloPoMo

Since I have once again been sorely lacking on the blogging front, I think it is time to participate in the annual NaBloPoMo like I have in the past. As per usual, I'm starting a bit late. But I have a good excuse. In addition to being without power at home since Saturday night (if you are keeping track that is 4 nights and 3 days, and counting), we also welcomed a beautiful new addition to the family. My brother and SIL had their little girl K yesterday morning. The fun part of this is that she was born on her older brother D's 9th birthday. I was able to stop in at the hospital for a few minutes to meet her and help my brother and his wife change baby K's diaper. And it was totally a 3 person job!

Here's hoping that when I get home from my intro to belly dancing class sometime after 8:30pm tonight that we will have power restored. We are the only street in our neighborhood--that I noticed anyway--to still be without power. And since we have electric heat and there is snow on the ground, it is making for a very chilly house.